Orders
by Alstroe
Summary: "She was Riza Hawkeye. Always calm, cool, in control.  But how the hell was she supposed to stay calm and in control when he was in the room next door, maybe dying and she was here and she didn't know what was going on and she was scared."


I recently discovered Fullmetal Alchmeist, specifically Brotherhood, and I'm in love with it and the Royai pairing.

Please enjoy and review if you feel so inclined! I love concrit!

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><p>The room smelled like cheap antiseptic.<p>

She hated it.

She was barely clinging on to her last threads of sanity, and the merry tick tick tick of a clock across the room and the hard plastic chairs and that _damn smell_ were driving her to the brink of jumping up and screaming at the receptionist. Or putting some much needed bullet holes in that damn clock.

She was Riza Hawkeye. Always calm, cool, in control.

But how the hell was she supposed to stay calm and in control when he was in there and she was here and she didn't know what was going on and she was s_cared._

It took a lot to scare Riza Hawkeye.

Or, more precisely, a w_ho._

She remembered snippets, flashes of color. Her stumbling into the hospital dragging his body behind her and the crimson blood covering her, spilling out of him, on the floor behind them in a sticky trail. Her kneeling beside him as he smiled up at her and said "I'll be okay, Lieutenant." Her eyes widening as she saw the man with the gun, saw the bloodlust in his eyes, and was knocked out of the way. Her standing in front of his body, tears streaming down her face, screaming at them. "I've got a gun! I'll kill you all before you lay a hand on him! Leave!" And the men, seeing nothing but pure, unhinged rage in her eyes, running, running.

She sat there and tried not to close her eyes, fearing she'd see all those images and more. Worse than that damn clock.

She assumed that someone had made her take a shower and change clothes; now she was in a starchy shirt and pants. She half- expected some confused patient to take her for a doctor.

But she couldn't remember that. She remembered fighting, clawing to stay with him, sobbing as they wheeled him away on a stretcher. All alone. Without her.

She squeezed her eyes shut, then opened them again. No, don't think about that.

She was quiet now, but she knew if one. More. Thing. Went wrong she would snap.

Riza Hawkeye was tired. She was tired of waiting, of death, of pain. So she politely, calmly, not like the most important person in her world was badly injured and _alone_ in the next room, asked the receptionist to wake her if there was any news. And she escaped the world for awhile.

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><p>Riza woke to a nurse shaking her shoulder. "Ma'am? Ma'am, wake up."<p>

Riza blinked once, then fully woke with a jolt. Roy. She focused her eyes on the nurse.

The nurse's face was grim.

Riza's world spun.

"Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god," she started babbling.

"Ma'am, calm down!" the nurse said, nervous.

Riza grabbed the front of her shirt. "Is he okay? Tell me, is he okay?"

The nurse looked away and Riza's stomach dropped.

"He's dying."

Riza's tears came again, in full force. Startled, the nurse tried to pull away from her grasp, but Riza held tight.

"Let me see him," she begged. "Let me see him before he… before he… _dies,"_ she said, whispering the last, dreaded word.

The nurse nodded and Riza released her. The nurse started walking to the room and Riza followed behind her, pressing her to go faster.

Outside his door, the nurse stopped and gave Riza a stern look. "Now, ma'am, don't upset him. And," her look softened. "He may not know who you are; he's a bit delirious. But best of luck."

Riza bolted into the door. Roy was there, lying in a tangle of IVs and bandages. A heart machine beep beeped in the background, too slowly. Riza gasped at the sight of his pale, pale, _too pale _skin and the listless look in his eyes.

She pulled a chair close to his bed and sat, taking his hand.

"Colonel? It' me, the Lieutenant." Riza fought to keep tears back and held his hand to her chin.

"…Riza?"

She jerked her head up.

"Colonel! Colonel, why the hell did you take the bullet? It could have been me, dammit. It could have been me instead." She was crying now.

Roy's eyes were full. "That's exactly why I took the bullet, Lieutenant."

She held his hand to her cheek and didn't meet his gaze.

"But, sir… I can't live without you."

Roy closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Lieutenant, I'm so sorry for causing you this much pain. I promised myself I wouldn't."

The machine showed his heart slowing, slowing. Doctors started to rush in.

"Ma'am, you can't be in here!"

Roy stared them down. "I'm going to die anyway, right? Please," he said, eyes becoming sorrowful. "Let her stay."

The doctors bowed their heads and left, glancing back at the pair.

Riza didn't even notice the commotion- her brain was stuck on _Roy's dying? No, that can't happen, it's Riza and Roy, Roy and Riza, where one goes the other is and I can't be alone and he can't be alone,_ and back again in endless weaving circles, all the while continuing to cradle his hand.

"Riza," he said gently, weakly.

Her head snapped up and she met his eyes. _–can't live without him-_

"I'll kill myself. I can't… I can't…"

"No." It was sharp. "I care about you too, Lieutenant. More than..." he swallowed, trying and failing to get rid of the lump in his throat. "More than you could ever know. But damn it if I'm going to to let you kill yourself. Why the hell do you think I took that bullet?"

His eyes were full of the emotion he'd never shown, beseeching.

But she couldn't even _fathom_ a life without him.

His heart monitor slowed.

She kissed his hand and looked him straight in the eyes. "I return the sentiments, si-… Roy." And he smiled.

"Which is why I'll be joining your side soon enough." Her gaze was rock solid, but he shook his head.

"_No._"

The heart monitor slowed more, and Riza had to lean in to hear his final words.

"Riza, you will not kill yourself. That… is an… order."

And damn him, even as he died he smirked at her.

Because Riza Hawkeye will never disobey an order.


End file.
